Water turns 8GB iPhone into 16GB iPhone

I made a fascinating discovery today, one which will undoubtedly land me an interview spot on CNN and a stint on all the major morning talk shows: drop your 8GB iPhone into a glass of water — entirely submerged — and watch it be magically replaced by a brand-new 16GB model.

All you need is a water-damaged iPhone, some serious frustration, and a wad of cash when you walk into the Apple Store. My notorious ADD-inspired (perhaps subconsciously-percipitated) clumsiness somehow resulted in me dropping my precious iPhone — the same one I stomped on and beat to death with the magnificent OtterBox Armor — into a full glass of ice water. All the phone could do after that was turn on and off…and on and off, and on and off…by itself…non-stop. It was almost as if the top on/off button was continually triggering its functions — even when the button wasn’t actually pressed.

I went to the iPod Bar at the store, and they told me I could get a replacement for about $250. All of a sudden, my mind was seized by vent-expelled polycarbonate-scented pheromones designed to relax the mind and make customers easily influenced by the nuclear-powered Reality Distortion Field generator built into every Apple Store. Within minutes, I was handing my credit card to the cashier, robotically paying for a new 16GB iPhone.

Apparently they’ve upgraded those RDF machines since the last time I was there. Damn.

Of course, when I mentioned to the Genius that I had dropped it in water, his first response was: “…the toilet, right?” No, no. A glass of water. Apparently toilet droppings are quite common (snicker). A friend of mine had a similar issue: Two days after purchasing his iPhone he dropped it right into the toilet — not gonna ask — and killed it. He hook it to the Apple Store, confessed truthfully to the mishap, and blammo: they gave him a new one on the spot.

As with all Apple products, support experiences vary — and when you’re getting support at the store, it all depends on the Genius who’s helping you. They have crazy discretion. Sound off in the comments: have you dropped your iPhone into a cup, a puddle, or toilet? How’d you deal with it?